Saturday, 9 April 2011
Shades Of Grey
This morning someone held together two pieces of a broken sellotape dispenser to form a '69' shape and then said to me 'I need to grow up, don't I?' and my instant reaction was 'No, you're fine just as you are' but, I began to think, that for him to even ask that question then he must think differently towards himself in that aspect than I do. The conclusion, then, that everyone holds different opinions on different things is nothing new at all until you begin to look at opinions on different things in different situations. If we look more closely at my real life example, growing up, then there are so many levels of interpretation to what 'growing up' actually is. To some it's an age, to others it's a mindset, for some people it may be taking responsibility or independence in your life and, for the person mentioned above, it may be thinking with a mind that's in the gutter a bit less often. Listing examples of what qualifies 'growing up' is a relatively easy task though, the hard part comes at when people think or feel qualified to have 'grown up'. If it's a very distinct, clear point like turning a certain age, then you can set as a rule that you're now grown up...but do you feel grown up? Do others think that you've grown up? If you substitute the situation for the other conditions listed previously, then the list of questions just keeps going on and ultimately circles around the point of 'How can someone judge whether someone has grown up or not?' and the answer that I came up with is that, for the most part, you really can't. Like with a lot of situations in life (morality, in particular, has a good scope for this) the answers come in shades of grey with, sometimes, one being no more right than another or with no-one being able to distinguish what option may be better than another. If so many things exist in the world in shades of indistinguishable grey, then why do we seek so often to draw clear, distinct lines that force us to choose black or white of our options? The law, in particular, is flawed in this aspect, I believe, because although it seeks to do justice and be fair to everyone, every person and every case is completely different and has so many factors to consider that the distinct line between black and white can often become extremely unfair to many people. What solution would I suggest for this? I honestly don't know, but on a larger scale of life I would probably have to say this: In the world there exists many shades of grey, many uncertain decisions and questions in life that give you answers that answer nothing certain for you. In those situations, sometimes you've got to make a choice and neither are your preferred option. Whatever you do, after thinking long and hard about it, choose the option that you'll have no regrets about. If that means not making a choice at all, then so be it, but the way I see things is that if you have doubts or uncertainties over your choice then through life you're going to fill with so many regrets that the grey choices around you will only get darker until you can't see the lighter end of the spectrum. So be considerate to yourself, be smart and love the life you live, you might only have one depending on your outlook.
Wednesday, 6 April 2011
History - We learn from the past so as to not repeat its mistakes
It's a phrase that I've heard a lot in my life, whether rephrased or implied metaphorically, I've always thought that it's a lesson that holds true for everyone and that applies on many levels: If we learn from the things we have done in the past, we can avoid making the same mistakes again. The part of my interpretation that brought about this particular post was that it 'applies on many levels' because this week I managed to hopefully look at the past and stop myself making mistakes that would bring me a lot of disappointment. Once again, just to forwarn, I'm talking about my love life. In the past two relationships I've had (what I would probably call my only two other relationships) they have been with people that have seen me a very extensive amount and whom have been very talkative with me online or via text. The social interaction was good, I never shied away from it for the most part, and I became very used to it and comfortable with it. Obviously, given that they're former relationships, things didn't last and now, in the present, I find myself with someone who has a different level of communication with me. We don't see each other as much as my past relationships, nor do we talk online as much, and for a while this slightly bothered me and led me to message him to the point where I was worried that I was becoming annoying. The other night, though, I had an epiphany about the whole situation and realised something: It's not that he was interacting with me on a low maintenance level... it's that I was just too used to a high maintenance level. It began to dawn on me, as I thought on things, that the amount that we talk and the amount that we see each other is, although reduced due to certain events, actually very reasonable. If I text or message, he'll reply if I really need him to and- if it's not urgent- he'll reply in his own time. In a week we might see each other for at least 3 days and next week we're going away for a week (with family), so it's not like I'm deprived of seeing him on any level and it's this realisation that led me to the conclusion above: I've become too used to seeing my partners a lot. How this links into 'learning from the past' might not seem clear at first but, to me, the realisation in itself was learning from my past because, for all I know, the reason why those relationships ended could be because I saw my partners too much. It's very easily done to end up seeing someone so much you start to dislike them, we've all done it. This lesson I've learnt from my past, I hope, will let me make things better in my present because I know now that all I need to do is learn to relax a little bit with my relationship. Things won't crumble or fall if I don't see or talk to someone every day of the week, which is probably another good lesson for me to learn through all of this. I'm not under the assumption that if I change this one thing that I've found 'the one' or anything, that'd be a bit unrealistic and hard to determine, but I've got no doubts that if I change this one thing then I could be very happy for quite a while with him...and I know that wouldn't be a bad thing at all to me :)
Saturday, 2 April 2011
Constants And Change
It's an irrefutable fact that, in life, things change. Your surroundings, your friends (both who they are and what they're like), your family, even your own body (both inside and out). It seems that the one thing in our lives we can't change is the fact that there is change. Change is, ironically, the constant in our lives.
What got me thinking about constants to our lives was the fact that there was so much change going on around me. I'm the kind of person that likes to have some control over my life, some kind of routine that keeps me grounded and gives me some sense of security over my life, and lately there's been a dramatically huge lack of that. Turbulent changes, events and experience have rocked the air cabin of my life and, although I still feel very much on course, it feels like my faith in the world has been shaken more than slightly. In my search to feel better about what I was doing I started to think about my life and try and find any comforting constants in there that I could seek refuge in. Of course, there were many things that had stayed the same in my life (I go to college, I come home, I go to regular, timetabled lessons etc.) but, for some reason, none of these situational constants seemed to be enough for me, as if I needed something big to make up for all of the constant change in my life and the changes that I know are going to happen later on in the year. Once it gets to September at college again, the number of friends I have is going to plummet drastically from around 14 to 4. Granted, most of these people that are leaving aren't going to university so I'll still get to see them but, within college, things are going to become quite lonely and it's going to take a lot of effort outside of college to still get to see all of the friends I want to. Whether I'd be able to handle that, I don't quite know, but that's the reality of what I'd have to do.
Coming back from my tangent, however, I found that the best constant in my life was in the form of a friend at college whom I've grown very close to this year who is also going to be at college next year. This may not be the epically gigantic constant that I was looking for in my life but, as I've learned many times from maths, constants can be very small or very large but, at the end of the day, no matter what happens they're still there. So although my constant isn't quite as gargantuan in magnitude as I had searched for, I think that the friend I have is exactly the constant I need. Someone that's going to be there, whom I can talk to and confide in, have a good laugh with and even bitch to about my problems. The same goes vice versa for her, of course, but at the end of the day what better constant in your life could there be apart from one good friend that you love?
As a message to everyone out there, something I try to do with my posts, I think the lesson here would be one that many people have heard before but never really taken on board: Often in life, if you look hard enough, you'll find that the thing you want most is often right in front of you and you completely miss it. In my search for a constant I ended up missing out on the one I already had, I don't think I'll be doing that again any time soon!
What got me thinking about constants to our lives was the fact that there was so much change going on around me. I'm the kind of person that likes to have some control over my life, some kind of routine that keeps me grounded and gives me some sense of security over my life, and lately there's been a dramatically huge lack of that. Turbulent changes, events and experience have rocked the air cabin of my life and, although I still feel very much on course, it feels like my faith in the world has been shaken more than slightly. In my search to feel better about what I was doing I started to think about my life and try and find any comforting constants in there that I could seek refuge in. Of course, there were many things that had stayed the same in my life (I go to college, I come home, I go to regular, timetabled lessons etc.) but, for some reason, none of these situational constants seemed to be enough for me, as if I needed something big to make up for all of the constant change in my life and the changes that I know are going to happen later on in the year. Once it gets to September at college again, the number of friends I have is going to plummet drastically from around 14 to 4. Granted, most of these people that are leaving aren't going to university so I'll still get to see them but, within college, things are going to become quite lonely and it's going to take a lot of effort outside of college to still get to see all of the friends I want to. Whether I'd be able to handle that, I don't quite know, but that's the reality of what I'd have to do.
Coming back from my tangent, however, I found that the best constant in my life was in the form of a friend at college whom I've grown very close to this year who is also going to be at college next year. This may not be the epically gigantic constant that I was looking for in my life but, as I've learned many times from maths, constants can be very small or very large but, at the end of the day, no matter what happens they're still there. So although my constant isn't quite as gargantuan in magnitude as I had searched for, I think that the friend I have is exactly the constant I need. Someone that's going to be there, whom I can talk to and confide in, have a good laugh with and even bitch to about my problems. The same goes vice versa for her, of course, but at the end of the day what better constant in your life could there be apart from one good friend that you love?
As a message to everyone out there, something I try to do with my posts, I think the lesson here would be one that many people have heard before but never really taken on board: Often in life, if you look hard enough, you'll find that the thing you want most is often right in front of you and you completely miss it. In my search for a constant I ended up missing out on the one I already had, I don't think I'll be doing that again any time soon!
Friday, 1 April 2011
Pressure
In chemistry this week we've been looking at Equilibrium in reactions. An equilibrium reaction is one that acts in both directions until a point where both the forward and backward reactions are equal (until an 'Equilibrium' is achieved). Certain factors can affect equilibrium such as temperature, pressure or concentration that cause the equilibrium to shift to counteract the change it experiences (this, as a side note, is called Chatalier's Principle). One thing that rung with me, in my strange quest to compare my life or the events in it to whatever I can in a strange metaphor, was the action of pressure on an equilibrium reaction. When you increase the pressure on one side of an equilibrium reaction, it causes the equilibrium to shift and (in the example we were doing) more product from the reaction is formed.
My life lately seems to be increasing in pressure. The workload that I have never stops increasing, the demands of my work are becoming greater as time runs short to exams and concepts for work aren't clicking into place, there's drama among my friends at times and, recently, my boyfriend's been kicked out of college so it's going to become an effort on both sides to see each other. So all of this is having an emotional impact on me and, honestly, the other day I was prepared to just give up and drop everything because I'd had enough. Enough of college, enough of a life where I seem to do nothing but work, I wanted out.
Somewhere in my head, though, I knew better. As much as I wanted out, as much as I knew I wanted to just drop everything, I knew that this was just a part of what I had to go through to get to where I want to be in life. Sometimes the road in life is difficult and there'll be a lot of times where you just want to give in and go in a different, easier direction. As easy as that direction might be, though, it might not be the one that'll lead you to your dreams. If I had quit college then I would've been very, very, VERY unlikely to ever achieve my dreams of Medicine. So, if for no other reason than that aspiration, I decided to grit my teeth, whine, bitch and moan all I liked but, ultimately, just get on with it.
How does that relate in the slightest to equilibrium and pressure, you ask? Well, for me, to do what I had to do, I had to shift the equilibrium in my life. Lately I've been putting in a decent amount of effort into everything and getting a decent amount back, but lately (and for the next few months, thanks to exams) I'm going to have to put in a hell of a lot more effort to see minimal instant rewards. I'm going to have to shift the equilibrium of my life in order to cope with what I'm doing and be happy. It won't be easy, I'm not under any illusion that it will be, but bolster on I shall until I reach my dynamic equilibrium and I'm getting as good as I'm giving. When that day comes, I'm sure that all of my hard work will have been well worth it and I'm sure that can go for everyone if you persevere for long enough at something you really want.
My life lately seems to be increasing in pressure. The workload that I have never stops increasing, the demands of my work are becoming greater as time runs short to exams and concepts for work aren't clicking into place, there's drama among my friends at times and, recently, my boyfriend's been kicked out of college so it's going to become an effort on both sides to see each other. So all of this is having an emotional impact on me and, honestly, the other day I was prepared to just give up and drop everything because I'd had enough. Enough of college, enough of a life where I seem to do nothing but work, I wanted out.
Somewhere in my head, though, I knew better. As much as I wanted out, as much as I knew I wanted to just drop everything, I knew that this was just a part of what I had to go through to get to where I want to be in life. Sometimes the road in life is difficult and there'll be a lot of times where you just want to give in and go in a different, easier direction. As easy as that direction might be, though, it might not be the one that'll lead you to your dreams. If I had quit college then I would've been very, very, VERY unlikely to ever achieve my dreams of Medicine. So, if for no other reason than that aspiration, I decided to grit my teeth, whine, bitch and moan all I liked but, ultimately, just get on with it.
How does that relate in the slightest to equilibrium and pressure, you ask? Well, for me, to do what I had to do, I had to shift the equilibrium in my life. Lately I've been putting in a decent amount of effort into everything and getting a decent amount back, but lately (and for the next few months, thanks to exams) I'm going to have to put in a hell of a lot more effort to see minimal instant rewards. I'm going to have to shift the equilibrium of my life in order to cope with what I'm doing and be happy. It won't be easy, I'm not under any illusion that it will be, but bolster on I shall until I reach my dynamic equilibrium and I'm getting as good as I'm giving. When that day comes, I'm sure that all of my hard work will have been well worth it and I'm sure that can go for everyone if you persevere for long enough at something you really want.
Monday, 14 March 2011
'I Love You'
Three small words. I - To mean oneself. You - To mean someone other than oneself. Love - This is where it gets complicated.
In life you'll experience a lot of love in a lot of different ways. Love of objects (e.g. food, tv, film, books), love of friends, love of family, love of situations or feelings. The most difficult or awkward love to come across is the kind that has been written about for centuries, distilled through the years into plays, songs, art, sculpture: The romantic feeling of love towards a single person.
In my experience thus far (my rather limited experience, I feel I should point out) I've come to find that each one of my relationships has made me feel differently both at the time and afterwards when I look back upon them. The reasons why we love can be dependent entirely on the circumstances in our lives at the time. For me, perhaps a motivating reason is the fact that there are so very few people that I can love, up until late high school there really were no options or choices for me. So it's always on my mind that I may end up being in a relationship purely because I can...I don't doubt for a moment that I may have done this at some point.
The turning point in this methodology is college. I've yet to be at college a whole year but already I've found a surprising amount of interest expressed towards me, more than I was comfortable with at times. Naturally I dealt with it, though, and I became used to the situations I found myself in and, after a time, I found myself in a relationship with someone that I've liked for a longer time than he probably realises.
It's officially been a month today. Things are going well, nothing tremendously ground breaking has happened, I think things are nice though. I've never properly taken things slow before but I'm enjoying it, it's making me appreciate the relationship a lot more. That aside, though, the feelings that I have towards him are starting to mount up to the point where I think I want to say the titular statement of this post. We've said it multiple times when once drunk (hardly counts) and we've said it in Japanese (doesn't really count) but the difficulty I face is saying it in English when sober...and it's not because I can't say it, the part that I'm worried about is: Should I say it?
Perhaps I'm scared to say it, perhaps I'm just worried it's too soon, but there's a part of me that's holding back from saying those words to him because I don't want to scare him off. Maybe that's silly of me to think, maybe it's more likely that he'll not say it back, how am I to know?
All I know at the minute is that we both feel strongly for each other and we both have felt for each other for some time, though after a month does that really merit 'I love you'? Is it really a month though? Obviously I can't speak for him, but I know that I've had feelings for him since September, so does it count as six months for me? If that's then the case then it would count as seven months for me but only...two (maybe) for him? So am I ready before him?
Confusion. I'm confused. For once I think this is a situation that I can't really draw a clear conclusion to. Given how pretty much everything I've based my points on is based on pure feeling or speculation about another person's feelings, maybe the best course of action is to just take things as they come until an answer presents itself. Surely, in time, things will become more clear and I'll have my answer. Whether that answer is good or bad, is unknown, but I know which of the two I would prefer if given the choice.
-Aiden
In life you'll experience a lot of love in a lot of different ways. Love of objects (e.g. food, tv, film, books), love of friends, love of family, love of situations or feelings. The most difficult or awkward love to come across is the kind that has been written about for centuries, distilled through the years into plays, songs, art, sculpture: The romantic feeling of love towards a single person.
In my experience thus far (my rather limited experience, I feel I should point out) I've come to find that each one of my relationships has made me feel differently both at the time and afterwards when I look back upon them. The reasons why we love can be dependent entirely on the circumstances in our lives at the time. For me, perhaps a motivating reason is the fact that there are so very few people that I can love, up until late high school there really were no options or choices for me. So it's always on my mind that I may end up being in a relationship purely because I can...I don't doubt for a moment that I may have done this at some point.
The turning point in this methodology is college. I've yet to be at college a whole year but already I've found a surprising amount of interest expressed towards me, more than I was comfortable with at times. Naturally I dealt with it, though, and I became used to the situations I found myself in and, after a time, I found myself in a relationship with someone that I've liked for a longer time than he probably realises.
It's officially been a month today. Things are going well, nothing tremendously ground breaking has happened, I think things are nice though. I've never properly taken things slow before but I'm enjoying it, it's making me appreciate the relationship a lot more. That aside, though, the feelings that I have towards him are starting to mount up to the point where I think I want to say the titular statement of this post. We've said it multiple times when once drunk (hardly counts) and we've said it in Japanese (doesn't really count) but the difficulty I face is saying it in English when sober...and it's not because I can't say it, the part that I'm worried about is: Should I say it?
Perhaps I'm scared to say it, perhaps I'm just worried it's too soon, but there's a part of me that's holding back from saying those words to him because I don't want to scare him off. Maybe that's silly of me to think, maybe it's more likely that he'll not say it back, how am I to know?
All I know at the minute is that we both feel strongly for each other and we both have felt for each other for some time, though after a month does that really merit 'I love you'? Is it really a month though? Obviously I can't speak for him, but I know that I've had feelings for him since September, so does it count as six months for me? If that's then the case then it would count as seven months for me but only...two (maybe) for him? So am I ready before him?
Confusion. I'm confused. For once I think this is a situation that I can't really draw a clear conclusion to. Given how pretty much everything I've based my points on is based on pure feeling or speculation about another person's feelings, maybe the best course of action is to just take things as they come until an answer presents itself. Surely, in time, things will become more clear and I'll have my answer. Whether that answer is good or bad, is unknown, but I know which of the two I would prefer if given the choice.
-Aiden
Sunday, 19 September 2010
I've got to admit it's getting better, a little better, all the time
It's not often I'm tempted to use song lyrics as a post title but I've felt it's been necessary for this particular post because of how true it is right now. I'm just (as of tomorrow, really) starting my third week of college and although there are many teething problems and things to get used to I've come to the conclusion tonight that, for the moment at least, things are getting better and they're gonna keep getting that way as long as I play things safe.
In terms of friends, the college environment is one that's proving a challenge to overcome while still maintaining the close circle of friends I had from high school as best as I can and, on another hand (another, not 'the other'), I'm getting to see old friends again that I grew apart from due to the years gap between us. There have been worries, upsets and problems already (the details of which I'll spare for the sake of people involved) but, as far as I'm concerned, that's natural given the almost-3-month holiday and the huge change that college is and I'm willing to work through things as best as I can with them. It's a farce to think that we'll all stay as close as we were in high school, to be brutally honest, because we're not going to see each other half as much in school time. I mean we've all taken different subjects so just by that constraint the amount we see each other is drastically dropped...but despite that I do firmly believe that we'll all stay friends because we have that history of good, close friendship in high school that means that, no matter what happens (barring mass murder), I'll always love them and try to see the best in them. The social scene in college is gonna take some time to get used to, the college itself is taking a lot to get used to, but I'm an adaptable person so I think that'll help me a lot with the transition and coping with things.
Something else that I'll have to cope with (that I think I am doing well at the moment) is the workload. At my college we're currently in an 'Induction Period', though the full definition of that is unknown to me, for the moment the work that I'm doing is coming to me rather easily...which is a good thing really. My current plan/objective is to complete work as soon as I'm set it and to the best of my ability so that I'm not swamped with work. That's worked very well until this weekend when I've neglected two pieces of work for Further Maths and Biology...but they'll be done shortly so that's fine and they're not due in for a while yet. There's no doubt in my mind that once the Induction Period is over that the work will pick up in both intensity and quantity...but I'm willing to struggle and put in whatever effort I need to in order to come out with the grades I need to achieve my ultimate goal: Medicine. The work is fun and interesting though, which may sound bizarre to most people when I now inform you that I've taken Maths, Further Maths, Biology & Chemistry but I really do mean it. The teachers are helpful and fun to be with in lesson, perhaps that stems from the informal college environment, and I'm already working my way into extra-curricular activities like Choir (putting my excessive singing to use) and a Maths Challenge (geeky but I thought I'd go for it) so...as reluctant as I am to say it (for superstitious reasons) I'm really enjoying the work.
The final thing that I considered in my theme of things getting better is something that's been the bane of my extended summer holiday: Money. Keeping figures and names out for my own security, in the next month my income should be almost doubling in amount...which is good news to me because it means I'll be able to get my friends some gifts for their birthdays (I'm still sticking with my plan to make people cookies for christmas though, I think that could be fun!) as well as do things outside of college and have money for me...though some of it will be saved of course, I've got to learn to be responsible now (oh the tragedy, I've got to grow up :P). That's another reason why things have gotten better for me now.
I apologise if this blog post has come across as very boastful and bragging, which I won't deny if it has, but I felt I had to post this because of how negatively I've been looking at things lately and how suddenly they seemed to have turned. So, in a way, this is part of my mental growth to accepting that things are changing, acknowledging that things are changing and thinking ahead at how to handle things. Hopefully it's been a bearable post and hopefuly things carry on how they are for me, I know I'd very much like it if they do!
-Aiden
In terms of friends, the college environment is one that's proving a challenge to overcome while still maintaining the close circle of friends I had from high school as best as I can and, on another hand (another, not 'the other'), I'm getting to see old friends again that I grew apart from due to the years gap between us. There have been worries, upsets and problems already (the details of which I'll spare for the sake of people involved) but, as far as I'm concerned, that's natural given the almost-3-month holiday and the huge change that college is and I'm willing to work through things as best as I can with them. It's a farce to think that we'll all stay as close as we were in high school, to be brutally honest, because we're not going to see each other half as much in school time. I mean we've all taken different subjects so just by that constraint the amount we see each other is drastically dropped...but despite that I do firmly believe that we'll all stay friends because we have that history of good, close friendship in high school that means that, no matter what happens (barring mass murder), I'll always love them and try to see the best in them. The social scene in college is gonna take some time to get used to, the college itself is taking a lot to get used to, but I'm an adaptable person so I think that'll help me a lot with the transition and coping with things.
Something else that I'll have to cope with (that I think I am doing well at the moment) is the workload. At my college we're currently in an 'Induction Period', though the full definition of that is unknown to me, for the moment the work that I'm doing is coming to me rather easily...which is a good thing really. My current plan/objective is to complete work as soon as I'm set it and to the best of my ability so that I'm not swamped with work. That's worked very well until this weekend when I've neglected two pieces of work for Further Maths and Biology...but they'll be done shortly so that's fine and they're not due in for a while yet. There's no doubt in my mind that once the Induction Period is over that the work will pick up in both intensity and quantity...but I'm willing to struggle and put in whatever effort I need to in order to come out with the grades I need to achieve my ultimate goal: Medicine. The work is fun and interesting though, which may sound bizarre to most people when I now inform you that I've taken Maths, Further Maths, Biology & Chemistry but I really do mean it. The teachers are helpful and fun to be with in lesson, perhaps that stems from the informal college environment, and I'm already working my way into extra-curricular activities like Choir (putting my excessive singing to use) and a Maths Challenge (geeky but I thought I'd go for it) so...as reluctant as I am to say it (for superstitious reasons) I'm really enjoying the work.
The final thing that I considered in my theme of things getting better is something that's been the bane of my extended summer holiday: Money. Keeping figures and names out for my own security, in the next month my income should be almost doubling in amount...which is good news to me because it means I'll be able to get my friends some gifts for their birthdays (I'm still sticking with my plan to make people cookies for christmas though, I think that could be fun!) as well as do things outside of college and have money for me...though some of it will be saved of course, I've got to learn to be responsible now (oh the tragedy, I've got to grow up :P). That's another reason why things have gotten better for me now.
I apologise if this blog post has come across as very boastful and bragging, which I won't deny if it has, but I felt I had to post this because of how negatively I've been looking at things lately and how suddenly they seemed to have turned. So, in a way, this is part of my mental growth to accepting that things are changing, acknowledging that things are changing and thinking ahead at how to handle things. Hopefully it's been a bearable post and hopefuly things carry on how they are for me, I know I'd very much like it if they do!
-Aiden
Saturday, 21 August 2010
Wants
Everyone has wants. Things they want, people they want, things they want to do, places they want to go, the list goes on and is limited and created, really, by everyone's own mind. As we get older the things that we want in life get bigger and more expensive even though our wallets or skills may not be able to match them, that's a fact of life that we have to come to terms with in our own ways and that can be vastly different for each person.
For me lately the problem I've found is that I want to do something but I lack, usually, the money to do it but also the time or availability to do it and I feel that this is having some consequences that I had never forseen or expected.
The entire subject of 'wants' revolves around a few things in my life at the moment and one of the particularly worrying things is friends. There are things that my friends want to do as a group that include me that I want to do for many reasons (I haven't seen them in a while, the things they want to do are fun, my friends are fun to be around, I've not been doing much lately etc.) but as much as I want to do them there's one hindering factor to it all: I can't afford it. Well I can afford to do one of the things they want to do, so I am exaggerating slightly, but on the whole I just can't afford to do everything they want to do.
'Get over it' is what one person might say, 'Borrow money from someone' is what another may say. To both of these people I would say 'No'. I refuse to 'get over it' because these people are my friends, they matter and so I shouldn't just brush the problem aside. I refuse to 'Borrow money from someone' because I won't be able to pay it back for a while, it's not fair on who I'm borrowing from and some people may not even be able to lend me money. The fact that I can't do everything I want with my friends is disappointing, that's true, but it's just something that I'll have to deal with because I can't change it. I'm not always going to have the money I want to do the things I want...but that doesn't mean that things will be like that all the time, sometimes I may have more money than I want and be able to do everything I want, it's just unfortunate that this time I don't have the money I want.
Money's a huge factor in things as much as I wish it wasn't...but that's not the worrying thing about this scenario. What's worrying is that as a result of me not being able to go I fear that some friends will think I'm avoiding them or have no interest in them when that could be farther from the truth even though it may not seem like it. The friends I have are amazing and some have been with me for 5 years, it wouldn't make sense to avoid them so of course I'm not doing that. As much as I want to do things with them things just aren't right for me right now and they've been difficult in the holidays otherwise I would've tried to do more.
It's the biggest hope of mine right now that things change once the college term starts because not only will I be out more but I'll have a bus pass again, so travelling around will be a cost I don't have to worry about or compensate for. Unfortunately that's still a very long week away.
If I had to apply anything I've learnt from this scenario to life then I'd probably have to say this:
What you want isn't always in your practical reach...but don't let that get you down because things won't always be that way, just be realistic, know your limits and hope that any people it affects will understand your situation.
Given the number of birthdays and the holiday season coming up in the next few months (Christmas may only be in December but you just know they'll have snowmen out at Halloween) I may not have a lot of money coming my way...but I hope that I still have my friends and I hope that's not a hope that I'm keeping in vain.
-Aiden
For me lately the problem I've found is that I want to do something but I lack, usually, the money to do it but also the time or availability to do it and I feel that this is having some consequences that I had never forseen or expected.
The entire subject of 'wants' revolves around a few things in my life at the moment and one of the particularly worrying things is friends. There are things that my friends want to do as a group that include me that I want to do for many reasons (I haven't seen them in a while, the things they want to do are fun, my friends are fun to be around, I've not been doing much lately etc.) but as much as I want to do them there's one hindering factor to it all: I can't afford it. Well I can afford to do one of the things they want to do, so I am exaggerating slightly, but on the whole I just can't afford to do everything they want to do.
'Get over it' is what one person might say, 'Borrow money from someone' is what another may say. To both of these people I would say 'No'. I refuse to 'get over it' because these people are my friends, they matter and so I shouldn't just brush the problem aside. I refuse to 'Borrow money from someone' because I won't be able to pay it back for a while, it's not fair on who I'm borrowing from and some people may not even be able to lend me money. The fact that I can't do everything I want with my friends is disappointing, that's true, but it's just something that I'll have to deal with because I can't change it. I'm not always going to have the money I want to do the things I want...but that doesn't mean that things will be like that all the time, sometimes I may have more money than I want and be able to do everything I want, it's just unfortunate that this time I don't have the money I want.
Money's a huge factor in things as much as I wish it wasn't...but that's not the worrying thing about this scenario. What's worrying is that as a result of me not being able to go I fear that some friends will think I'm avoiding them or have no interest in them when that could be farther from the truth even though it may not seem like it. The friends I have are amazing and some have been with me for 5 years, it wouldn't make sense to avoid them so of course I'm not doing that. As much as I want to do things with them things just aren't right for me right now and they've been difficult in the holidays otherwise I would've tried to do more.
It's the biggest hope of mine right now that things change once the college term starts because not only will I be out more but I'll have a bus pass again, so travelling around will be a cost I don't have to worry about or compensate for. Unfortunately that's still a very long week away.
If I had to apply anything I've learnt from this scenario to life then I'd probably have to say this:
What you want isn't always in your practical reach...but don't let that get you down because things won't always be that way, just be realistic, know your limits and hope that any people it affects will understand your situation.
Given the number of birthdays and the holiday season coming up in the next few months (Christmas may only be in December but you just know they'll have snowmen out at Halloween) I may not have a lot of money coming my way...but I hope that I still have my friends and I hope that's not a hope that I'm keeping in vain.
-Aiden
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