Anger

One of the seven deadly sins (more commonly known as 'Wrath'), Anger's something that no-one can escape in their lives no matter how tranquil and serene they claim to be. Anger, by my definition, is the body's overflow system for all the multiple factors in our lives that cause us negativity that we can't do anything about; stress; annoyance; despair; depression; all the emotions that get us down. All of them leave behind remnants in our minds that are distilled, purified and collected in a psychological bottle that, eventually, overflows. When this overflow occurs, this is shown as an outward reaction of anger towards something or someone.
Everyone has different sized bottles though (no innuendo intended) and, consequently, everyone's overflow point is different and, as every person is an individual in their own right, the resultant angry reaction is also different. On one extreme, it can take something very minor for one person to then have a violent outburst towards a person, but on the opposing end of the scale it could take decades of anger for one person to result in but a minor rant. Everybody's different.
My own personal view is that it's completely natural and even healthy to get rid of this anger overflow because, if you don't, it can put your body under unnecessary stress and have a lot of long and short term effects (long term being premature hair loss, short term being illness in some cases). Ever one to contradict my own advice though, I find myself getting ever closer towards (if not already past) my overflow point but annoyingly unable to express my anger in a satisfying way. What's annoying me is multifactorial and, also, rather personal, and I'm hoping that in time I can resolve what's annoying me...though that doesn't do anything to vent my anger out.
I've never been a properly violent person. Of course, among friends, you have a level of jokey violence and I'm rather fond of my sadistic humour but that's just it; it's not serious violence in the slightest. What I think I'd love to do most is to just have a huge, angry rant and finally get some answers to what's bothering me, though I'd be slightly scared of doing that at the risk of taking things too far and pushing people away from me- something I really don't want to do, especially as the result of anger.
In many ways, anger is a bad thing but I think people forget that it's also a good thing to have in life. Like it or not, it's a part of the human spectrum of emotions that we're all capable of and eventually feel and it can give people a lot of peace to vent their anger out in a good way, it can be satisfying and actually give people some peace. Conversely, it can also bring about physical violence and it's never a nice thing to feel, it makes people impulsive and distorts the thought process, but the good inevitable comes with the bad in life. It's how you choose to view things and how you act with them that matters most.
I'd like to think that I can handle my anger in a good way, a safe way but, realistically, I just think I'm someone that bottles it up far too much and doesn't properly vent it out at all. Maybe one day it'll come back to bite me, maybe one day I'll just snap and all this build up rage will rain down on someone that really doesn't deserve it (in which instance, I apologise profusely in advance to this person). Hopefully I'll find a good way to get rid of the deadly sin inside of me (that sounds a little too religious for my liking, but I didn't want to just write out 'anger' again) but I don't think I'll be keeping everything inside for too long, it's getting to be a rather big pain, I mean this in both in the annoyance sense and the hurtful sense. As silly as it sounds, it hurts to be as angry as I sometimes feel, I want to just cry; I find crying to be this immensely wonderful emotional drain, you harbour no (or I harbour no) negative feelings after crying, then there's this interim time of neutrality before you go back to feeling relatively happy again...but I just can't cry. After some personal events, I seem to lack the ability to cry unless death's present...and I really wouldn't want someone to die just so I can shed tears.
So it seems I'll have to ponder and think, experiment and find my own way to get rid of the overflow in my life, I just hope it happens sooner rather than later.

The Beach

Breathe in...and out...in...and out...

The mantra in my head played out in time to the waves that diffused out along the beach. Consistently and unwaivering, they rolled along the beach until there was nothing more of them to roll out, throwing a cluster of foamy bubbles along the sand in an attempt to hold their place before being dragged back- once more- to the deeper depths to where they came from. The sound of waves against the beach is an usual, yet fascinating, sound for me. You hear the sound of one wave hitting the shore-the satisfying audial mix between a 'woosh' and a 'crash' as the waves make impact- but you hear this one wave hit the shore at every single point on the shore. It attacks from the left, right, front, other end of the beach, any and all directions but each one sounds different and they all harmonise together to make this short symphony that always comes back for an encore.
Nothing else can be heard aside from the waves, the beach is earily quiet as I sit on the sand, my knees pulled close to my chest. Beneath my feet I can feel the sand; its miniscule, grainy existence working alongside others of its kind to support me upon it. It's the only thing that keeps me in place at the minute but the only thing keeping it in place is itself.
I hate the sand when I'm trying to relax. The grains get everywere and anywhere, no matter what you do or how careful you are. It's nice otherwise, though. Fortunately for my feet, it gains heat easily, so I can never be that cold if I'm sat on a natural radiator. I can never be too warm, either...the sea always brings in a cool breeze towards me, caressing my arms and neck gently, tussling my hair around playfully, making it feel like I'm both alone and yet with company- company I don't have to return pleasantries with but can just co-exist with. Company that smells. Salty and yet fresh- nothing like the air freshners- with a kind of pureness that only something foreign to all human contact can have, it feels slightly cleansing as I breathe it in and out.
I don't even know why I'm here. The beach is usually a place I go when I'm stressed, a place to calm down and let the things that have been building up in me dissipate and go away- I'd never let them out for fear of hurting people. This time, though, I don't know why I'm stressed or if I even am stressed...I just feel like I need to be here. Things in my life lately just seem to be builing up just to die back down again, only then to build back up. In that respect, maybe my life is like the waves on the sea... I think I'll just stay here until I can face things back home again...

Breathe in... and out...in...and out...