In our lifetime we accumulate friends in our various social environments naturally and without really thinking. We do this, I believe, to make these environments more entertaining, friendly and bearable for ourselves so you could say that it's a defense or coping mechanism of sorts. When we leave those environments though, naturally we leave some friends behind. Sometimes we seek to keep these friends...but this takes a lot more effort purely because you're not going to see them regularly.
If the question is 'Will a friendship last?' then I've always been inclined to say 'Yes, if you put in the effort'...but I never took into account just how a friendship and the people in it can change over time. At the start you may be two naive, nervous year seven students taking their first tentative steps into the world of teenagehood, but by the time you're both in year 11 one of you has become a workaholic while the other is a slacker. The friendship that once was has now dissolved because both people have grown to be incompatible as friends.
Is this anyone's fault though? I personally don't think it is. It's arguable that people should do whatever is necessary to keep a friendship that means so much to them, but when it jeopardises personal development or results in one person being unhappy then should you carry on? That's the dilemma that I may be facing now.
For the past 2 and a half years I've had a friend and she's hilarious, absolutely hilarious. She's unique and very smart but she can also be a bit blunt when there's something she doesn't like. That's not necessarily a bad quality, it's better to be honest and up front sometimes, yet there's something about it that can make a situation very awkward. Over the past week in particular there have been some comments that she's made that have either offended me or annoyed me and it's made things awkward between the two of us. This is probably just a random phase that the friendship is going through, she may be having a problem that's impacting her or I may just be taking things too personally, but I couldn't help having the suspicion that perhaps at some point over the time we've been friends we've grown to be different people. There are some points I could make about how different we are as people but it wouldn't be fair on her to mention them. Putting finer details aside though it is a suspicion that I had and I didn't feel I could ignore it. If we had become so different as people that our friendship was suffering, what should the next logical step be? One option would be to end it, the other would be to work at it and hope that the problem solves itself.
Applying that question to all friendship problems though I began to question and consider the effect of both. By ending the relationship both people are able to independently be whoever they're truly meant to be but they may miss out on a friendship that would've been great had they decided to fix it. When you have a friend though, they tend to be part of a larger group of friends, so when you decide to cut them out of your friendship circle it has effects for others. To force others to have to deal with your choices isn't really fair.
On the other hand if you decide to stick with the friendship it is a big risk. If it works out you have a good friendship again, but depending on how you go about that then you may be losing a lot of your personality to try and make it work. If it doesn't work out though then you've put yourself through a lot and the whole situation may end up a lot worse and cause problems for other friends.
When you look at it, it seems to be a choice between protecting yourself as much as you possibly can or trying to do all you can to keep a friend. Either one has negative consequences, so if you truly have no preference but want the best for your friends is it then more of a choice on damage control: Which one will affect them the least?
It's a gamble at the end of it, do I get out while I'm still ahead or do I bet it all and risk winning or losing everything? The only conclusion I can draw to this question is that there's no real right or wrong answer and that the answer will vary on whatever situation it's applied to, but whatever the answer should be I think that ultimately you should never come to regret it. Friends can have a big impact on life, if you come to regret leaving one then you may have missed out something that you can't get back. At the same time if you regret not leaving one then you've probably missed out on becoming a person that you're truly more comfortable with.
What would you do?
-Aiden
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